I love the sweet story of Ian and Larissa Murphy, just posted on Desiring God. As John Piper writes in his post,
Being satisfied in God (or anything) always seems easier when all is going well. But when things you love are being stripped out of your hands, then the test is real. If God remains precious in those moments, then his supreme worth shines more brightly. He is most glorified.
The last book my mother gave me before she passed away was David: Man of Prayer, Man of War
Here's a quote from the introduction to whet your appetite:
"The one constant with David in every condition was expressed in Psalm 16:8: "I have set the LORD always before me."
In all the rapid alterations of his life David thought of the Most High God and expressed his devout feelings toward his Maker and Redeemer. When he wept in shame for his loathsome sins, his tears were poured out before the Lord. WHen he felt the exhilaration of triumph, he shouted to the Lord who was his strength.
Perhaps this most of all explains the vast variety of David's life experiences. The Lord made him into the Psalmists for all the saints in all subsequent ages. In his youth he knew a peaceful, tranquil walk with God; in later years he both walked upon the heights and fell into the depths, and thus was enabled to compose prayerful songs for every condition of life.
No matter how high David rose above other men, his spirit was childlike toward the Lord. Therefore he did not make pretentious efforts of self-defense with others. His sorrow in confession was immediately and deeply expressed without any consideration for who might be watching. He who was equally at home holding the shepherd's staff, the warrior's sword, the poet's harp, and the ruler's sceptre, was completely transparent in the humbling of himself before the God of all the earth. This ease and simplicity in worship draws out our deepest emotions as we read the life of David, King of Israel. We love this man for showing us how to pray from every point of life's compass. We love him for showing us how, in the midst of spiritual failure, we too can drawn near to the Lord again in trust and devotion.
Perfectionists will not be comfortable with David. Those who stumble often, but who always turn with melted hearts to God for pardon and help, will find in him a brother for all situations. Such people will love the sacred history of his life and find it totally engrossing."
You can find the book at Amazon.com here
My brother Alex told me about the upcoming Lord of the Rings LEGO toys. My immediate thought was, "I must have them, my Precious!" Is that healthy? I will use the excuse that I am getting them for my 10-year-old son but my wife will know the truth.
For the last three Sundays in April at Covenant Life, our series title is "Never Give Up," drawn from Luke 18:1, where we find Jesus teaching his disciples that they "should always pray and never give up." We're looking at the stories of Paul, Elijah and David, men who held onto faith, even when they had every reason to lose heart.
The goal of this short series is to build God-confidence, not self-confidence--to remind ourselves how wonderful, how free, and how BIG our salvation is. This is a time to re-direct our focus, remember how we've been saved, and see that what Jesus has done is far greater than our biggest problems.
Messages:
April 15 | "Paul: Remember the Biggest Truth" | 2 Timothy 1:8-18
Something is big in your life right now. Something is filling up your thoughts and dominating your perspective. Paul would remind you how wonderful, how free, and how universe shaking your salvation is.
April 22 | "Elijah: God's Plan is Better" | 1 Kings 19
God is still working, even when it's not how we planned, and his purpose is better than ours.
Coming April 29: David
I have been playing the album Love & War & the Sea In Between to death the last few days. It's fantastic. I'm so grateful for Josh Garrels' generosity in giving his music away. Now I need to find a way to send the guy a check to support his ministry/artistry. The song "Farther Along" was a God-given lifeline to me yesterday: "Farther along we'll know all about it/Farther along we'll understand why /Cheer up my brothers, live in the sunshine/We'll understand this, all by and by." Amen! Listen and enjoy.
Terry Virgo is a man who knows the power of prayer. I've learned so much from him and I hope this message is an encouragement to you. I also recommend his book The Spirit-Filled Church
My friend Justin Taylor pointed me to the book Resurrection iWitness
Written by Doug Powell, who is both an author and art-director, it's a visually-engaging, interactive book for the entire family-young children to adults will learn much and enjoy the discussions. Resurrection iWitness
In early May I'm heading down to North Carolina with a few guys from my pastoral team to attend The Gospel Summit, "A two-day, unique conference environment for pastors and ministry leaders aimed to give a personal, inside, behind the scenes look at The Summit Church and gospel centrality."
I'm looking forward to learning from J.D. Greear's church and what gospel centrality looks like there.
You can learn more here.
Thursday and Friday, most of our pastoral team, joined by pastors from the Arlington and Fairfax Sovereign Grace churches, participated in a hands-on preaching workshop led by David Helm and others from The Simeon Trust. Named after 18th century British evangelical preacher, Charles Simeon, the Trust has served for over a decade, equipping preachers through a series of workshops across the country.
David describes the mission of The Simeon Trust: "We are a one-trick pony. We do one thing. We try to help people increase their confidence and ability in handling God's word. So that's why we exist--to increase someone's confidence in the word of God and their ability to handle it well."
In addition to receiving instruction for interpreting and preaching Scripture effectively, the pastors worked in small groups for practical application. Each presented a prepared text and received feedback from his peers on how to hone his preaching skills. They also heard expositions from me and my fellow pastor Matt Maka, and gave us feedback.
Kenneth Maresco, who helped organize the event, said, "We were very excited to have The Simeon Trust in because the work of pastors is primarily Word work, and these men are committed to training pastors to handle Scripture rightly. The members of our pastoral team and brothers from Arlington and Fairfax are being inspired to work hard in the Word. It's refreshing once in a while to pull away and have this kind of training as a staff so that we can continually improve in our ability to serve the people of God."
Thankful for God's hand on the ministry, David states, "We used to do one of these [workshops] a year with about 30-40 people. Now we do 19. This year we expect over 800 pastors will go through it. So, a lot of churches are being positively influenced at a grass roots level."
We're doing a series on church governance at Covenant Life. In my sermon this past Sunday I shared the following quote from Alexander Strauch's book Biblical Eldership: An Urgent Call To Restore Biblical Church Leadership
"Most important, biblical eldership guards and promotes the preeminence and position of Christ over the local Church. Jesus left His disciples with the precious promise that "'where two or three have gathered together in My name, there I am in their midst'" (Matt. 18:20). Because the apostles knew that Jesus Christ, by the Holy Spirit, was uniquely present with them as Ruler, Head, Lord, Pastor, Master, Overseer, High Priest, and King, they chose a form of government that reflected this distinctive, fundamental, Christian truth. This concept was no theoretical idea to the early Christians--it was reality. The first churches were truly Christ-centered, Christ dependent churches. Christ alone provided all they needed to be in full fellowship with God and one another. Christ's person and work was so infinitely great, final, and complete that nothing--even in appearance--was to diminish the centrality of His presence among and sufficiency for His people.
So in the first century, no Christian would dare take the position or title of sole ruler, overseer, or pastor of the church. We Christians today, however, are so accustomed to speaking of "the pastor" that we do not stop to realize that the New Testament does not. This fact is profoundly significant, and we must not permit our customary practice to shield our minds from this important truth. There is only one flock and one Pastor (John 10:16), one body and one Head (Col. 1:18), one holy priesthood and one great High Priest (Heb. 4:14ff.), one brotherhood and one Elder Brother (Rom. 8:29), one building and one Cornerstone (1 Peter 2:5ff.), one Mediator, one Lord. Jesus Christ is "Senior Pastor," and all others are His undershepherds (1 Peter 5:4)."
- Alexander Strauch, Biblical Eldership: An Urgent Call To Restore Biblical Church Leadership
I can't listen to this song without thinking of my mom. This song was one of her favorites. She loved Phil Keaggy. Can't wait for heaven...to see Jesus, "all the holy men I've read about" and my mom. Thanks for sharing the video with me, Justin.
I'm really excited about this conference, and hopeful that many women from my church can attend. Here's an interview that Tony Reinke did with D.A. Carson, the president and co-founder of The Gospel Coalition, about the conference:
Explain for us the origin of the women's conference and how it serves the broader vision of TGC?
Don Carson: TGC aims to reform evangelicalism, putting the "evangel" (the gospel) at the center of our thinking and practice -- and that means focusing on Scripture, on Christ, on the cross and resurrection, on the God who redeems his people. If we are going to contribute to the reformation of evangelicalism, we must aim to teach women as well as men.
Is the 2012 conference primarily for a general audience of Christian women, or is it targeted to women who are formally involved in ministry?
DC: It targets all women who want to know their Bibles better, who want to encounter the living God through the great "theophany" passages -- passages where God displays himself in spectacular revelation. Nevertheless those who are formally involved in vocational ministry will be strengthened by exemplary teaching, and some of the workshops are aimed at helping such women.
What do you hope women will gain from this particular conference?
DC: From the plenaries, (1) a renewed vision of God and his sweeping purposes of redemption; and (2) for those with eyes to see, some models of how to handle Scripture faithfully and tellingly. From the Workshops, a wide variety of stimulating help for Christian women -- on their marriages, on how to lead Bible studies, on gospel outreach to people who do not look like you, on Scripture memory, on singleness, and much more.
The unfolding plan of redemption provides the backbone for this conference theme. How will biblical theology particularly serve women, and especially those in ministry roles?
DC: If we leap too quickly to personal application without reflecting on how any biblical passage fits into the Bible's grand history and plan of redemption, we almost always end up (however unwittingly) distorting the Bible. Worse, we lose sight of the way Scripture flows toward Jesus. The best application of Scripture takes place after coming to grips with how any text fits into the God-given big picture.
In the past you have talked about the difficulty of holding complementarian convictions (men and women are not interchangeable) and yet at the same time encouraging women to pursue ministry opportunities. In the last few years, where has your own thinking changed or been sharpened here?
DC: I don't think my views have changed much. On the other hand, I increasingly recognize that:
1. It is important not to become silent on the issue; it is possible for the complementarian position to lose by default.
2. We must so handle Scripture that the relevant passages are convicting, transforming, and seen to be for the good of both men and women, for God makes no mistakes. Recently Bob Yarbrough and I were the speakers at a conference for ministers dealing with these themes; the material will be available shortly on the TGC website.
3. It is very important that the complementarian stance not be reduced to a cheap parody, where all we are saying is "No!" I would love to see far more churches utilizing the gifts and training of women, whether in paid staff positions or not -- positions that are shaped by complementarian confessionalism and simultaneously encouraging, liberating, gospel-focused. Our churches could do with a lot more women in the heritage of Priscilla, Phoebe, Euodia, and Syntyche. (Why do we remember the latter two only for their bickering, and not only for their ministry of contending for the gospel at Paul's side?)
________
The first Gospel Coalition National Women's Conference is scheduled for June 22-24 in Orlando, Florida. Women can register for $125 through the end of February, at which point the rate increases to $175. Students and women who live outside the United States can register for $100 (no deadline).
Kathy Keller, co-author of The Meaning of Marriage
"If only I could pair those sadder and wiser women---and men---who have found themselves in unequal marriages (either by their own foolishness or due to one person finding Christ after the marriage had already occurred) with the blithely optimistic singles who are convinced that their passion and commitment will overcome all obstacles. Even the obstacle of bald disobedience need not apply to them. Only ten minutes of conversation---one minute if the person is really succinct--would be necessary. In the words of one woman who was married to a perfectly nice man who did not share her faith: "If you think you are lonely before you get married, it's nothing compared to how lonely you can be AFTER you are married!"
Read the full article.
David Helm, pastor of Holy Trinity Church in Chicago, will be here at Covenant Life on Saturday, March 3, to bring some important teaching and training based on his book, One to One Bible Reading: A Simple Guide for Every Christian
The seminar will look at who this kind of relational Bible reading ministry is for and how it works. You'll also be trained to begin putting it to use. It's not just about reading the Bible. It's about using your new Bible-centered relationships as the springboard for evangelism, discipleship, and leadership development.
I'm encouraging my entire church to come to this. Registration is free. If you're in the DC area, please come join us!
March 3, 8:30am-12pm
Covenant Life Church Auditorium
Register Here
UPDATE: For those who can't make it: yes, the audio of the seminar will be available online.
"Authority is like soap, the more you use it the less you will have of it." - Mark Dever
This May in Orlando, Florida, the thirteenth and final Next Conference will held. What an incredible ride it's been! God has poured out so much grace on this event over the years.
It all began when CJ Mahaney and I attended a Passion conference led by Louie Giglio in 1998. CJ looked at me and said, "We need to be doing this for the next generation of students in Sovereign Grace." So we decided to go for it. I was assigned the task of organizing a team of volunteers to launch a national conference for college students and singles. I'll never forget the first volunteer meeting on the the floor of our townhouse living room (we didn't yet own furniture). Larry and Nora Earles were the first people to sign on to serve! And they've been at every one since.
The name and location of the conference has changed over the years. We started in 1999 with the name New Attitude (a carry over from a magazine I had published and a series of regional conferences I'd conducted). Then in 2005 when my friend Eric Simmons began leading, we shortened the name to Na because, let's face it, the only thing named New Attitude is a Patti Labelle song and a few hair and nail salons. Finally, in 2008 when Eric went to plant a church and my friend Grant Layman took leadership, we changed the name to Next (to emphasize the focus of transferring the gospel to the next generation).
The conference was first held in Baltimore (1999-2000), then moved to Philadelphia (2001), then Louisville (2003-2008), back to Baltimore (2009-2010) and finally Orlando (2011-2012).
Several years ago, I told CJ that I felt the time had come for me to stop leading the conference. I hoped someone else in Sovereign Grace would take my place and keep the conference going, but I felt that the Lord wanted me and fellow pastor, Grant Layman, to be focused on priorities in our local church. So last year (Next 2011) was our final year of leading.
But I'm glad that Sovereign Grace is going to have one final Next Conference in Orlando this May. The theme, which has been a mainstay at the conference over the years, is the importance of the local church. They've lined up Matt Chandler, Kevin DeYoung, and Jeff Purswell as speakers with more to be announced. It looks like it's going to be a great time.
As this important chapter in my life closes, I want to take a minute to thank the people who made it possible. Thanks to...CJ and the leadership team of Sovereign Grace for giving me the chance to lead this conference over the years...Eric Simmons and Grant Layman whose leadership made it possible for the conference to continue and improve....Paul Medler and all the conference staff at Sovereign Grace who served so faithfully...all the hundreds of volunteers over the years who believed in the vision of this conference and gave generously of their time to serve students. And finally, thanks to everyone who came. Thanks for loving to worship Jesus and to study and learn from his word. I pray that what God deposited in you through this conference will continue to bear fruit in the years to come.
You can listen to all the messages from Next 2004 to 2011 here.
For information on Next 2012 visit www.thisisnext.org.
So many great songs and albums have been produced by Sovereign Grace Music over the years, but my absolute all-time favorite is The Gathering. Recorded live at Worship God 11, it contains 15 songs that progressively tell the story of the gospel and our appropriate response to it.
The video above is of the song "Now Why This Fear." Some of my other favorite tracks are "When You Move", "Show Us Christ" and "As You Go." But the whole album is good and we're teaching a number of these songs to our church.
You can get all the info on buying the album and getting lead sheets and guitar charts here.
In time for Christmas shopping (for the slowpokes among us), I wanted to highlight this new book by my friend Kevin Hartnett called The Heavens: Intimate Moments with Your Majestic God
Kevin works as NASA's Science Operations Manager for the Hubble Space Telescope. He is also a poet. And in his book, we behold the grandeur of God in His creation, and also in His word.
You can buy it here.
Our family has been watching a series of excellent DVD's called Dispatches from the Front. Today we watched the episode set in India (you can view the trailer for it above). My three kids were enthralled. I want, and I want my kids to have, a heart for world missions. These videos stir that passion.
The description of the series on their website states, "Believers everywhere desperately need a renewed vision of Christ and the unstoppable advance of His saving work in all the earth. Our view of God's Kingdom is often too small and limited to what we have experienced. Dispatches from the Front highlights the marvelous extent, diversity, and unity of Christ's Kingdom in our world. The journal format of each episode underscores the daily unfolding of God's activity on the 'frontlines,' bringing viewers up-close with sights and sounds from distant corners of the Kingdom."
I would highly recommend this series for families and churches that want a "renewed vision of Christ and the unstoppable advance" of the gospel around the world.
Order the series here.
For different reasons a lot of Christians in my generation and older generations are leery of too much emphasis on doctrine. They have come to equate doctrine with church splits, hate mail, arrogance, and angry diatribes. They have seen how easy it is for life-giving truths to get reduced to empty formulas. No wonder that for them Christian doctrine can seem more hindrance than help when it comes to cultivating a vibrant relationship with Jesus.
I understand. If my heart is cold toward God, I can turn the most precious truth into an end in itself or a weapon to attack others. This is part of the reason I find the story of the wise builder so instructive. It reminds me that doctrine isn't about me or my little tribe. Jesus said that the person who digs down to the rock is the one who comes to him. This has to be the first and final motivation. Pursuing orthodoxy and sound doctrine has to begin with a heart drawing close to him--not to a theological system, denomination, or book.
It's easy to make the mistake of thinking that since theological beliefs shouldn't be our goal, we don't need them at all. But this isn't true in knowing Jesus any more than it's true in other relationships. For example, I have a nine-year-old daughter named Emma, whom I love very much. It is absolutely true that information and facts about my daughter can never take the place of actually loving her. But this doesn't mean I should avoid knowing about her. An important part of caring for and cultivating a relationship with my little girl involves a willingness on my part to learn her character and personality, her likes and dislikes. Details about her--the color of her hair, the music she enjoys, her gifts, fears, and dreams--are all important to me because she is important to me. While these truths about her could be empty data, because they describe a living person whom I love, they enrich and grow my love for her. Facts can never take her place, but I can't know her without them.
Doctrine can never take the place of Jesus himself, but we can't know him and relate to him in the right way without doctrine. This is because doctrine not only tells us what God has done but what his actions mean to us. A theologian named J. Gresham Machen, who lived in the 1920s, helped me better understand all this. His explanation of Christian doctrine helped me see how it connects to the living person of Jesus. In one of his books, Machen explains that while Christians in the early church wanted to know what Jesus taught, they were primarily concerned with what Jesus had done. "The world was to be redeemed," Machen wrote, "through the proclamation of an event."
Of course the event he's referring to is Jesus's death by crucifixion and his resurrection from the dead. The first Christians knew they had to tell people about this event. But simply telling them wasn't enough. They also had to tell them what the event meant. And this, Machen explains, is doctrine. Doctrine is the setting forth of what Jesus has done along with the meaning of the event for us.
"These two elements are always combined in the Christian message," Machen continues. "The narration of the facts is history; the narration of the facts with the meaning of the facts is doctrine. 'Suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, dead and buried'--that is history. 'He loved me and gave Himself for me'--that is doctrine."
Doctrine is the meaning of the story God is writing in the world. It's the explanation of what he's done and why he's done it and why it matters to you and me.
- from Dug Down Deep, chapter 2
Spirit of God, descend upon my heart;
Wean it from earth; through all its pulses move;
Stoop to my weakness, mighty as Thou art;
And make me love Thee as I ought to love.
I ask no dream, no prophet ecstasies,
No sudden rending of the veil of clay,
No angel visitant, no opening skies;
But take the dimness of my soul away.
Teach me to feel that Thou art always nigh;
Teach me the struggles of the soul to bear.
To check the rising doubt, the rebel sigh,
Teach me the patience of unanswered prayer.
Hast Thou not bid me love Thee, God and King?
All, all Thine own, soul, heart and strength and mind.
I see Thy cross; there teach my heart to cling:
O let me seek Thee, and O let me find!
Teach me to love Thee as Thine angels love,
One holy passion filling all my frame;
The kindling of the heaven descended Dove,
My heart an altar, and Thy love the flame.
By George Croly. Thanks to Clara Boisvert for sharing it with me.
The final preacher I get to feature in this series is Matt Chandler. Matt is the lead pastor of The Village Church in Flower Mound, Texas.
About his preaching notes, Matt said:
I tend to study and read a ton in and around the text and try to memorize what I can of the text, then write out a brief outline that I take into the pulpit with me. I will start to write on the outline certain thoughts I'm having or illustrations I want to use as I pray before our services begin. I rarely look at the outline while I preach. Typing it up somehow sears it into my mind.
Here is a pdf of Matt's sermon, Habakkuk 01: An Honest Conversation
You can also listen to it here.
Here in our preaching notes series, and I've got David Platt's notes to share this time. David is senior pastor of The Church at Brook Hills in Birmingham, Alabama.
Here are David's preaching notes, from his sermon, "A Chronicle of Redemption - Epilogue: Re-Creation."
You can also watch or listen to the sermon here.
We're continuing a series on preaching notes, and Tullian Tchividjian is next. Tullian is senior pastor of Coral Ridge Presbyterian Church in Ft. Lauderdale, FL. Several years ago, I interviewed him here on the blog. And his new book Jesus + Nothing = Everything
Here are Tullian's preaching notes, from a sermon he preached on Ecclesiastes 5-6.
You can also watch the sermon on vimeo here.
Next up in this series is my friend Kevin DeYoung. Kevin is the senior pastor of University Reformed Church in East Lansing, MI.
Here's a sample of Kevin's preaching notes, from a sermon he preached on Mark 10:46-52.
And you can hear the sermon here.
For our second round of preaching notes, first up is Dr. Steven J. Lawson. Steve is the Senior Pastor of Christ Fellowship Baptist Church in Mobile, Alabama.
Here are Steve's (mostly) handwritten preaching notes from his sermon, "Only One Way" from Galatians 1:6-10.
You can also listen to the sermon here.
A few years back, I did a series of posts with scans of the actual notes that various preachers take with them into the pulpit. You can read the background and see links to all the different notes here. People seemed to enjoy it, so now I'm going another round now with several more preachers who were kind enough to send me copies of their preaching notes. As before, every man has his own style.
-Steve Lawson
-Kevin DeYoung
-Tullian Tchividjian
-David Platt
-Matt Chandler
He washed my eyes with tears that I might see,
The broken heart I had was good for me;
He tore it all apart and looked inside,
He found it full of fear and foolish pride.
He swept away the things that made me blind,
And then I saw the clouds were silver lined;
And now I understand 'twas best for me,
He washed my eyes with tears that I might see.
He washed my eyes with tears that I might see,
The glory of Himself revealed to me;
I did not know that He had wounded hands,
I saw the blood He spilt upon the sands.
I saw the marks of shame and wept and cried,
He was my substitute for me He died;
And now I'm glad He came so tenderly
And washed my eyes with tears that I might see.
By Ira Stanphill
I read the following article by Reb Bradley in the Virginia Home Educator Magazine and was challenged by it. I appreciate Mr. Bradley's humility in admitting mistakes he's made as a dad. I see some of these tendencies in my own life and many of the observations he makes line-up with things that God has been teaching our church recently. Whether or not you homeschool, I'd encourage you to read this article prayerfully and ask the Holy Spirit to help you examine your motives in your parenting.
Exposing Major Blind Spots of Homeschoolers by Reb Bradley
In the last couple of years, I have heard from multitudes of troubled homeschool parents around the country, a good many of whom were leaders. These parents have graduated their first batch of kids, only to discover that their children didn't turn out the way they thought they would. Many of these children were model homeschoolers while growing up, but sometime after their 18th birthday they began to reveal that they didn't hold to their parents' values.
Some of these young people grew up and left home in defiance of their parents. Others got married against their parents' wishes, and still others got involved with drugs, alcohol, and immorality. I have even heard of several exemplary young men who no longer even believe in God. My own adult children have gone through struggles I never guessed they would face.
Most of these parents remain stunned by their children's choices, because they were fully confident their approach to parenting was going to prevent any such rebellion.
After several years of examining what went wrong in our own home and in the homes of so many conscientious parents, God has opened our eyes to a number of critical blind spots common to homeschoolers and other family-minded people.
1. Having Self-Centered Dreams
The reason that our dreams for our children are so vulnerable to crashing is because they are our dreams, imposed on our own children. As homeschool parents we make great sacrifices and invest a great deal to influence how our children turn out. The problem is that love for children can be lost in love for personal success as a parent. Our concern for ourselves ends up overshadowing our love for our children.
When my oldest son was 18 he developed habits of disrespectful communication and I had to ask him to leave my home for a season. Needless to say, my wife and I were devastated by the discipline we imposed. In the first month he was gone we wept each day for him. We were grieved that he was now unprotected from the junk from which we had worked so hard to shelter him, but more than that, I was heartbroken that my dreams for him and our family would no longer come true. I remember speaking the words to him - "Son, you've ruined my dreams." You see, I had a dream for my family and it involved adult children who lived at home humbly under parental authority, and who would one day leave home to marry, after following my carefully orchestrated courtship process. But now, my son had gone and "messed up" my perfect dream. Nothing is wrong with dreaming of good things for your children, but the truth was, my dream for my son was mostly about me.
In hindsight, what was particularly grievous was that I was more worried about the failure of my dream of "success" than the fact that my son and I had a broken relationship. Although he did come back and was restored to us 4 months later, it still took me years to realize that I had contributed to the damaged relationship.
It is only natural for parents to have high hopes and dreams for their children. However, when we begin to see our children as a reflection or validation of us, we become the center of our dreams, and the children become our source of significance. When that happens in our home it affects the way we relate with our children, and subtly breaks down relationship.
2. Raising Family as an Idol
When we allow the success of our family to determine our security or sense of wellbeing we are seeking from it something God intends us to receive from Him. I am describing idolatry. If homeschoolers are not careful, family can easily become an idol.
At times in their history the Israelites worshipped idols. They didn't always forsake worship of the living God - they merely served other gods with Him. Sometimes they simply made an idol of something good. Jesus rebuked the Pharisees because they elevated issues of holiness higher than the very God who declared them holy (Mat 12:1-8; 23:24). An idol is anything other than God in which we seek security and fulfillment. It may be something biblical or good, but if it has the power to determine our wellbeing, we have elevated it higher than God meant for us. As those who are devoted to our families, and therefore invest a great deal of time, energy, and heart, it is easy to elevate the family too high.
A great problem with idolatry is that idols require sacrifice, and we end up sacrificing relationship with our children for the idol of the family. When we elevate the image of the family, we effectively trade our children's hearts for our reputation.
3. Emphasizing Outward Form
Preoccupation with results often leads to emphasis on outward form. When we are preoccupied with achieving results it is natural to admire the results others seem to have achieved with their children. We like the way the pastor's kids sit reverently in the front pew and take notes of their father's sermon, so we go home and begin to teach our children to sit reverently and to take notes. What we don't know is that the pastor's kids conduct themselves with reverence and attentiveness not because he "cleaned the outside of the cup" and simply drilled them to do so -- he lived a genuine love for Jesus that was contagious, and watched as the fruit was born (Matt 23:26). Parents are destined for disappointment when they admire fruit in others and seek to emulate merely that expression of fruit in their own children. Fruit is born from the inside -- not applied to the outside.
Imagine that the fruit you desired was the edible variety, so you went out into your yard and planted an apple tree. Just suppose that one day, while you were waiting for the apples to begin growing on your tree, you caught a glimpse of a neighbor's apple tree. You noticed in admiration that its branches were laden with big, luscious apples. What would you do? Would you run to the produce market to buy some apples, then go home, and in the dead of night, tie them onto your tree? If you did, the sight of your tree might really impress your neighbors. But that is not what you would do. You would likely go to the neighbor and ask how he cared for and fertilized his tree to produce such fruit. It is the same with our children - luscious fruit will be born from what we put into them - not from what we tie onto them. As a matter of fact, in no time, the fruit that we put onto our children will rot and fall off.
In the homeschool community I have observed that there can be a great emphasis on outward appearance, whether it is dressing for excellence, modesty, grooming, respectful manners, music style, or an attitude of sober reverence in worship. Some even take their children down a country path of humble fashions, raising food, and making bread. Nothing is wrong with any of these things, but we must be careful - we can model for our children outward changes and easily fall into molding their behavior and/or appearance, while missing their hearts. In some circles emphasis on the outward is epidemic.
A friend of mine, a homeschool mom, just passed away of cancer. In the week before she died, I asked her if she had any regrets in her life. She told me she wished she had baked less bread - she said if she had it to do over again she would buy bread and spend more time with her children. She had invested time and energy in pursuing the "path" because she thought it was part of the spiritual homeschool package.
Let us not forget that Jesus came against the Pharisees for their preoccupation with what they felt were legitimate expressions of spirituality. They measured holiness by what was avoided and by what would be seen by others (Mat 6:1-2, 5, 16; 23:5-6, 23-28; John 7:24). The Pharisees were earnest in their religion, but they were preoccupied with outward expressions of holiness rather than hearts of humility and love (Micah 6:8) that would bear genuine fruit. I find it fascinating that in the gospels there is not one mention of Jesus coming against immodesty, even though among his followers were prostitutes and the like. Jesus emphasized cleaning up the inside while the Pharisees were the ones preoccupied with cleaning up the outside. We must ask ourselves: Which are we more like - Jesus or the Pharisees? Even now do we justify ourselves, insisting we emphasize cleaning up both the inside and the outside?
I know that some react strongly to these assertions, so let me emphasize that I do want my wife and daughters to adorn themselves modestly. God did address it once in the New Testament (1Tim 2:9), but we must ask ourselves, is it possible that we have elevated modesty, or other issues of outward form, higher than Jesus did? If he only mentioned modesty once in the epistles and never mentioned it in his earthly ministry, but instead emphasized the importance of a changed heart bearing outward fruit, should we not follow his example and concentrate on reaching our children's hearts? Because He did address it in the first epistle to Timothy, let us teach our children the value of keeping private that which should be, but let us be careful of thinking that just because they look moral on the outside that they have God's values on the inside. Concurrently, let us also be careful of measuring everyone else's enlightenment by what we have decided is modest, spiritual, or holy.
4. Tending to Judge
In setting standards for our family, each of us must work through a process of evaluation and analysis to decide what is safe, wise, or permissible. Once we become convinced of our personal standards, not uncommonly, it follows that we believe they should apply to others as well.
The Pharisees belittled others who didn't hold to their standards. We have gone their way when we judge others. It is easy to miss this area of pride because we may not express our judgments "arrogantly"; we may instead wrap them in compassionate-sounding words. Arrogance wrapped in concerned tones is deceiving.
Pride is so deceptive that we won't know our judgments are even judgments. We will think we are just making observations and feeling pity, when in fact, we are looking down on others from our lofty place of confident enlightenment. It is a high view of ourselves that allows us to condescend to and belittle others in our mind. And if you already knew all this, be careful - pride will even cause us to be amazed that others didn't see what was so obvious to us.
Typically, when we belittle others who don't measure up to our standards, we will also imagine others are judging us. Consequently, we will find ourselves frequently being defensive. We assume that others will think lowly of us for some perceived inadequacy, so we offer unsolicited explanations and clarifications for us or our children. For example, let's say we walked past a TV at Sears and saw something of interest - when we tell others what we saw, we are careful to clarify that we saw it at Sears and weren't watching a TV at home. If we live under fear of judgment, not only will we tend to be on the defensive, but whenever we are in a public setting where our children might be "watched," we will put pressure on them.
When pride is working its work in us, we sincerely believe our personal opinions reflect God's utmost priorities and standards. What we believe to be our "enlightened" perspective becomes a filter by which we gauge others' spirituality, and therefore limits our options for fellowship. We develop a very narrow definition of what we call "likeminded" people, based on the outworkings of our values and opinions. Now we are on a path to exclusivity when we will no longer associate with those who will be with us in eternity. Is it possible we have lost sight of fellowship based on love and devotion to Jesus, and have substituted personal standards and a narrow view of Christian liberty?
There are several serious consequences of raising children in a home marked by pride and judgment. Children may grow up also judging others. Or, they may hide their real values, acting as though they embrace our values, when, in fact, they are simply seeking to avoid discipline and lectures at home. Or, they may see the shallowness of our legalistic faith that consists primarily of "avoid this, wear that, attend this," and not be attracted to it in the least.
5. Depending on Formulas
Homeschool parents often take a formulaic approach to parenting. Committed to achieving results with our children, we look for formulas and principles to ensure our success. Knowing the Bible is full of the wisdom and promises of God, we look to it for its self-working principles and promised methods. Yet, there's a problem with that. We are commanded to trust in God, not in formulas (John 14:1; Ps 37:5; 62:8). There is a monumental difference.
Trust in formulas is really dependence upon ourselves to carry out a procedure correctly. But anyone who really understands the grace of the gospel knows that we cannot take personal credit for any spiritual accomplishments. We are totally God's workmanship (Eph 2:10; Phil 2:13; 1:6) and everything good in our lives is a gift from Him (James 1:17). We can do absolutely nothing by ourselves for which we can take credit (Eph 2:8-9; Gal 6:14; Rom 4:2; 1 Cor 1:28-31; 2 Cor 11:30). Yet many of us lean toward a formulaic mentality, because our fallen natures are drawn toward self-reliance. We want to feel that by our own efforts (works) we have achieved something that will make us acceptable to God - by nature we are legalistic.
God doesn't want us to trust in principles, methods, or formulas, no matter how "biblical" they seem. God wants us to trust in HIM!
6. Over-Dependence on Authority and Control.
Fruitful training of children and roses require a goal, a plan, and diligence in labor. However, the difference is that roses have no mind of their own and only grow as they are allowed. Children are people--self-determining individuals--and they ultimately choose how they will respond to parental influence.
No amount of parental control or restriction will guarantee that a child will turn out exactly as directed. Obviously, our training increases the likelihood our children will cling to the faith when they reach maturity, or turn back to Christ if they do enter a season of rebellion, but our training does not guarantee the desired outcome.
I know that some will struggle with the assertion that parents do not have total control over the outcome of their parenting, because of Proverbs 22:6. And I would have struggled too, ten years ago, but upon examination of the passage in question, I am convinced that it is a verse meant as an admonition of wisdom, not as a promise and guarantee of outcome. Like many of the sayings in Proverbs it is written as a statement of probability and not as a promise.
Solomon set for us a great example of balanced parenting - he admonished his young adult children and gave them commandments, but he knew that for them to honor his commands he needed their hearts. That's why he said, "My son, give me your heart and let your eyes keep to my ways" (Prov 23:26). The apostle Paul knew how much he needed the hearts of those he exhorted, and therefore told them "... although in Christ I could be bold and order you to do what you ought to do, 9 yet I appeal to you on the basis of love..." (Phile 1:8-9).
If we are to have significant influence of our teenage children we must have their hearts. Winning their hearts means gaining the opportunity to influence who they are, not just what they do.
7. Over-Reliance Upon Sheltering
An over-dependence on control in a family is often accompanied by an over-reliance on sheltering of children. It is not uncommon for homeschool parents to feel that since they filter whatever their children see and hear, they will control the results in their lives. That was me for many years. I remember saying to people, "I am controlling the influences in my children's lives, so I am going to control the outcome." I was absolutely certain that my children would be exempted from significant temptation and from developing particular bad habits because I was controlling what touched their lives.
In the last five years I have heard countless reports of highly sheltered homeschool children who grew up and abandoned their parents' values. Some of these children were never allowed out of their parents' sight and were not permitted to be in any kind of group setting, even with other "like-minded" kids, yet they still managed to develop an appetite for the world's pleasures. While I've seen sheltered children grow up and turn away from their parents' standards, conversely, I've known some Christian young people who went to public school, watched TV, attended youth groups, and dated, yet they walk in purity, have respectful, loving relationships with their parents, and now enjoy good marriages. Their parents broke the all the "rules of sheltering," yet these kids grew up close to their families and resilient in their walks with Christ.
Protecting from temptations and corrupting influences is part of raising children. Every parent shelters to one degree or another. All parents shelter - they just draw their lines in different places.Protecting our children is not only a natural response of paternal love, but fulfills the commands of God. The Scriptures are clear that we are to make no provision for our flesh (Rom 13:14) and are to avoid all corrupting influences (2 Cor 6:17-7:1). It warns us that bad company corrupts good morals (1 Cor 15:33) and that those who spend too much time with bad people may learn their ways (Prov 22:24-25) and suffer for it (Prov 13:20). Just as our Father in heaven will not allow us to be tempted beyond what we can bear (1 Cor 10:13), we rightly keep our children out of situations they will lack the moral strength to handle. Young children are weak and we are to protect the weak (1 Thes 5:12).
God understood the vulnerability of human nature when he gave the Israelites instructions before they entered the Promised Land. He told them to chase out the idol-worshipping Pagans in the land, lest His people associate with them and be drawn into idolatry (Ex 23:32-33; Num 33:51-56; Josh 23:7-13). The Israelites disregarded God's protective warning and allowed some Pagans to remain in the land. Subsequently, each successive generation of young people was lost to idolatry. God instructed them to shelter their families, but their neglect of His warnings brought pain to their children and to their grandchildren for many generations.
However, we are imbalanced when sheltering from harm is the predominant expression of our parenting. Sheltering is a critical part of parenting, but if parents keep it their primary focus, the children will grow up ill equipped to handle the temptations in the world.A child isolated from disease may appear to be of the greatest health to his parents, but the health of the human body is only proven by how it withstands an attack. A weak constitution succumbs to every germ and virus - a strong one fights them off. Our spiritual and moral health is developed and proved in the same way.
If we isolate our kids from the world until they are adults they may appear to us to be spiritually minded and strong in character. However, it is how they ultimately engage the world that proves their spiritual resilience. This is because sheltering does not transform the human heart - it merely preserves it, temporarily.
It is true that a boxer trains without an opponent until his coach decides he is ready for an actual fight. And it is true that a farmer might raise plants in a greenhouse until they are mature enough to be transplanted and face the various elements of nature. So also, we keep our children away from bad influences when they are young and need to grow unhindered in character and spiritual wisdom. The problem is that sheltering without significant preparation to engage the world fails to equip them. In fact, it may insure that they will fall in their first solo encounters.
Growing up isolated from temptation can develop a child who appears spiritually strong, but the appearance is not reality. When I was in college I moved to northern California to live for a summer in a Christian commune. I was somewhat isolated from the world and surrounded by an amazing support system of my fellow "Jesus people." I remember feeling so full of faith, so committed to holiness, and so in love with God that summer. However, the "spirituality" I felt and the level of holiness I achieved was not real and could not endure testing. At the end of summer I returned to college in Southern California and discovered that I had not developed true spiritual muscles - when faced with temptation I fell flat on my face every time. The communal environment, isolated from significant temptation, had not prepared me for the battle I would face in the world. Valid spiritual growth required that I face temptation and develop the capacity to resist it, which eventually I did. My isolation from temptation had left me like a boxer who had shadow boxed, trained rigorously, and looked good in his trunks, but had never faced a sparring partner, let alone a true opponent.
I believe that a primary reason we over-rely on sheltering is because it is easy. It requires no planning or expenditure of energy. It takes minimal immediate brainpower. we simply assess that something might be harmful and say to our children, "No." I don't know if I would go so far as to call it lazy parenting, but I will say that investing in our children takes a lot more work and a lot more time.
8. Not Passing On a Pure Faith
We've all heard it said that faith is caught and not taught. The Galatian church polluted their faith by seeking to make themselves acceptable to God with what they did or didn't do" (Gal 3:3). In the same way, we may have started off years ago with a simple, undefiled faith, but the more we got caught up in all the "works" of intense parenting, the more we moved away from a simple faith contagious to our children. It is critical for our sake, let alone for our children, that we enjoy a life-giving faith in Christ with no religious trappings added to it.
As I look back, I see that with my older children I was too concerned with how they were perceived by others. I saw their behavior as a reflection on me, and I wanted to look good. They, therefore, sensed in me a measure of pretentiousness--not the genuineness of faith that would have drawn them to me or to the Jesus I spoke about. My sincere concern for their character was overshadowed by my concern for my reputation. I have discovered that, like me, multitudes of parents want their children's hearts but live a faith that fails to completely attract them.
9. Not Cultivating a Loving Relationship With Our Children
Relationships between parents and teens are weakest in control-oriented homes. Bev and I treated our children as if they were "projects." The more they became projects, the less we had significant relationship. The less we had relationship, the more we lost their hearts. Without their hearts, the less we were able to influence them or their values. We regularly spent hour coaching and admonishing them during the teen years, not realizing that without their hearts, the best we could do was make more rules and devise new consequences. The consequences affected the outside, but not the inside.
Our Story
When my oldest son was almost 16 we let him get his first job washing dishes at a restaurant managed by a Christian friend of ours. As diehard shelterers we wrestled with whether or not our son was ready to enter the world's workforce. We knew we couldn't shelter him forever, and so finally concluded that he should be old enough to send into the world two nights a week. What we didn't realize was that he would be working with drug-using, tattooed, partiers, and our Christian friend was never scheduled to work our son's shift.
Within a month it became apparent that our son's new work associates were having an effect on him. He came home one evening and asked, "Dad, can I dye my hair blue?" After my wife was finally able to peal me off the ceiling, I laid into him, reminding him whose son he was, and that I would not have people at church telling their children not to be like the pastor's son. I explained that just because he wanted to use washable dye, it didn't make me any happier. (Note that my intense reaction had to do with "outward appearances" and the impact on me.)
Of course, my wife and I immediately began to evaluate whether we had made a mistake by letting him take the job. After an intense discussion we decided to coach him more carefully and let him keep his job.
Two months later he came home from work and asked me if he could pierce his ear. Again, my wife had to peal me off the ceiling. He thought it might be okay since he wanted a cross earring -- like I was supposed to be happy, because it would be a "sanctified" piercing. If that wasn't enough, he also wanted to get a tattoo! But it was going to be okay, because it would be a Christian tattoo!
As I was looking back on this experience several years later, something my son said shortly after he started his job kept coming back to me. When I picked him up the second night of work, he got in the car with a big smile on his face and said "They like me!" As I dwelt on that comment, it suddenly came clear to me - my son had finally met someone who liked him for who he was. Few others in his entire life had shown him much acceptance, especially not his mother and I. It is no exaggeration - in our efforts to shape and improve him, all we did was find fault with everything he did. We loved him dearly, but he constantly heard from us that what he did (who he was) wasn't good enough. He craved our approval, but we couldn't be pleased. Years later, I realized he had given up trying to please us when he was 14, and from then on he was just patronizing us.
The reason our son wanted to adorn himself like his work associates, was because they accepted him for who he was. He wanted to fit in with those who made him feel significant. He wanted to be like those who gave him a sense of identity. The problem wasn't one that could be solved by extended sheltering - he could have been sheltered until he was 30 and he still would have been vulnerable. The problem was that we had sent our son into the world insecure in who he was. He went into the world with a hole in his heart that God had wanted to fill through his parents.
Whether believer or unbeliever, those young people who are least tempted to follow the crowd are those who are secure in themselves and don't need the approval of others. The Bible calls insecurity the fear of man - it is allowing other's opinions of us to affect our values and choices.
The Solution
In the Bible we see that people obeyed God for two reasons - fear and love. King David sang of his love for God (Ps 18:1; 116:1; 119:159) and he also sang of the fear of God (Ps 2:11; 22:25; 33:8). God wants His followers to be drawn to Him out of love (Jer 31:3), and that's why it is His kindness that leads us to repentance (Rom 2:4). But He also wants us to be kept on the path by fear of His authority (Luke 12:5; 1 Pet 2:17). That's why He told the Israelites He wanted both their fear and their love; "And now, O Israel, what does the LORD your God ask of you but to fear the LORD your God, to walk in all his ways, to love him, to serve the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul" (Deut 10:12). With our children, it should be the same.
Those who have the most power to influence our hearts are those to whom we are drawn: those who succeed with our values (which is what a hero is), those who can benefit us, those who make us feel valuable, and those who have earned our respect.
If our children grow up motivated only by fear of consequence, they will eventually get away with what they can whenever we are not around (Eph 6:6). If we have their hearts they will seek to honor us whether we are present or not, and their hearts will remain open to our influence.
I refer you to the apostle Paul who modeled this approach to leadership perfectly, "Therefore, although in Christ I could be bold and order you to do what you ought to do, yet I appeal to you on the basis of love..." (Phile 1:8-9a). Paul's pattern with the churches suggests he understood that appeals to love were more powerful than commands and threats.
Conclusion
I am convinced that the most contagious parenting is living a heartfelt faith before your children. Fruitful interaction is not about what you do to your young people, but who you are with them. It's about having a real faith in God, and expressing it in a real relationship with a real person--not about methods and self-working principles. God intends that the side-effect of loving Jesus and enjoying the grace of the gospel will be that all people--including our children--will be touched by the Savior in us. I pray in Jesus' name that as you read these words you will experience the grace of God in a fresh and new way.
Reb Bradley is a writer and national conference speaker. Read the complete article from which this excerpt was taken here. Visit www.familyministries.com to order Reb's CD set Influencing Children's Hearts.
Reprinted with permission from The Virginia Home Educator, Fall 2011.
I've been very impressed by Nancy Guthrie's book One Year of Dinner Table Devotions and Discussion Starters: 365 Opportunities to Grow Closer to God as a Family
"Whereas most family devotionals focus on Bible stories or on practical moral lessons, Dinner Table Devotions and Discussion Starters focuses on biblical themes, concepts, and words, in ways that are understandable to children without talking down to adults or teens. It will help your family take a step back to look at the big picture of what God is doing in the world and his purposes and plans in creating and redeeming the world. Once you and your family have worked your way through this book, you will have discussed nearly every major attribute of God and a host of profound theological truths, such as justification, redemption, substitution, and sanctification--without all those daunting words. You will have looked into important concepts from the Bible, such as covenant, adoption, judgment, and redemption, as well as spiritual realities, such as hell, angels, resurrection, and glorification. This is not dry theology for theology's sake, but living theology that makes a huge difference in how we do battle against temptation, deal with disappointment, and determine our futures."
You can read more on Nancy's website (which includes a PDF of the first 10 devotionals). Or can order it from Amazon
I've been enjoying Tullian Tchividjian's forthcoming book Jesus + Nothing = Everything
"Legalism traps you in slavery and despair. To define ourselves by what we must do, what we must accomplish, and who we must become--that's the epitome of slavery. When we believe, deep down, that God's blessing depends on how well we're behaving, we wither and groan under the heavy burden of self-reliance.
In this 'performancism,' we eventually figure out that being the star of our own show actually makes life a tragedy. When life is all about us--what we can do, how we perform--our world becomes small and smothering; we shrink. To have everything riding on ourselves leads to despair not deliverance.
When we're living by this legalism--trusting in our rule-keeping, our abilities, our performance--to sustain our little safe and controllable world that we're addicted to, someday it will all start to crumble. Our kids will spin out of control, or our marriage will, or our finances, or our career. And it's devastating. We've tried so hard to hide our frailty and weaknesses, building our self-esteem on our success at that, then suddenly those faults can't be hidden any longer. We feel hopeless.
The bitter truth slams us: those attractive idols we keep trustfully turning to are indeed 'nothing' and 'less than nothing' (Isa. 41:24). They're only black holes, the blackest of holes, dragging us down into desolation."
I needed this song today. Grateful for the music of Shane & Shane.
It helps me to remember that one day in heaven there will be only one right person.
I'm sorry, but it won't be you. Or me.
It will be God.
Everybody else in heaven will be wrong in a million different ways about a million different things. The Bible tells us that only those who trusted in Jesus Christ, who turned from sin and believed in him, will be in God's presence. But on a host of secondary matters, we'll all discover how much we got wrong.
Maybe some people picture heaven as a place where all the "right" people celebrate that they made it. But I don't think that's true. I think it will be a place of beautiful humility.
The funny thing is I'm really looking forward to this aspect of heaven. I can't wait for that crystal-clear awareness of all the opinions and attitudes and ideas and strategies that I had in this life that were quiet simply wrong.
No one will be proud. No one will be bragging. We all will want to talk about how wrong we were about so many things and how kind God was to us. I can imagine someone saying, "Seriously, I am the most unworthy person here."
And then someone else will say, "No, friend, it took more grace for me to be here. You need to hear my story."
And we'll say, "No offense, King David, but we've already heard your story. Let somebody else share." (Of course we'll let him share again later.)
At the end of every conversation, we'll agree that when we were back on the old earth, we really had no idea how unmerited that grace really is. We called it grace, but we didn't really think it was totally grace. We thought we'd added just a tad of something good. That we had earned just a bit. We'll realize to our shame that to differing degrees we trusted in our intellect, our morality, the rightness of our doctrine, and our religious performance when all along it was completely grace.
"For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast" (Ephesians 2:8-9).
Every one of us will have a lot to apologize for.
I estimate that somewhere near the first ten thousand years of heaven will be taken up with the redeemed people of God apologizing to each other for all the ways we judged each other, jostled for position, were proud and divisive and arrogant toward each other. (Of course this is just an estimate; it could be the first twenty thousand years.)
I imagine Paul telling Barnabas he's sorry for splitting up the team over Mark. And admitting to Mark how he should have been more willing to give him another chance. And then all the Christians from first-century Corinth will tell Paul how bad they feel about what a complete pain they were for him.
All the people in churches who split over silly things like organ music will come together and hug each other. The Baptists and Presbyterians will get together, and one side will have to admit to the other side that they were wrong about baptism. And then the side that was right will say they're sorry for their pride and all the snide comments they made. And then there will be no more sides, and the whole thing will be forgotten.
Because of course we'll all be happy to forgive each other. And we'll keep saying, "But God used it for good. We couldn't see it then, but he was at work even in our weakness and sin."
In the meantime, we should strive to hold our beliefs with a charity and kindness that won't embarrass us in heaven.
An excerpt from chapter 11 of Dug Down Deep.
It's been a hard year
But I'm climbing out of the rubble
These lessons are hard
Healing changes are subtle
But every day it's
Less like tearing, more like building
Less like captive, more like willing
Less like breakdown, more like surrender
Less like haunting, more like remember
Less like a prison, more like my room
It's less like a casket, more like a womb
Less like dying, more like transcending
Less like fear, less like an ending
And I feel you here
And you're picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands, a bad situation
But you are able
And in your hands the pain and hurt
Look less like scars and more like
Character
By Sara Groves from the album All Right Here
"The wrong inference from God's transcendence is that he is too great to care; the right one is that he is too great to fail." - Derek Kidner
Spend more time in prayer than speculation. Spend more time interceding than choosing sides. Spend more energy loving others than arguing. Get away from the internet, get into the Scripture, go talk with God. Let's ask that he would use this season in our church to make us all more gentle, loving and broken--not more angry, self-righteous and irate. He is in this and he loves everyone involved.
It's a beautiful day outside. I'm going to go take a prayer walk.
1 Peter 3:8-9 "Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind. Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing."
A child had a little garden in which she planted many flowers, but they never grew. She put them in, as she thought tenderly and carefully, but they would not live. She sowed seeds and they sprang up; but very soon they withered away. So she ran to her father's gardener, and when he came to look at it, he said, "I will make it a nice garden for you, that you may grow whatever you want." He fetched a pick, and when the little child saw the terrible pick, she was afraid for her little garden. The gardener struck his tool into the ground and began to make the earth heave and shake for his pickaxe had caught the edge of a huge stone which underplayed almost all the little plot of ground. All the little flowers were turned out of their places and the garden spoiled for a season so that the little maid wept much. He told her he would make it a fair garden yet, and so he did, for having removed that stone which had prevented all the plants from striking root he soon filled the ground with flowers which lived and flourished.
Just so, the Lord has come, and has turned up all the soil of your present comfort to get rid of some big stone that was at the bottom of all your spiritual prosperity, and would not let your soul flourish. Do not weep with the child, but be comforted by the blessed results and thank your Father's tender hand!
Thanks to my friend Don Devries for sharing this with me.
Last week I preached from Hebrews 12:1-11 called "The Father's Discipline." The point of the message is that God disciplines us because he loves us, that his discipline hurts, and that we must be trained by it. Instead of doubting God's love, we should see that he is treating us as sons and daughters.
But I want to amend something I said in that message. At one point I compared people criticizing our church to the Assyrians who attacked the people of Israel. I wanted to make the point that even people who seem like enemies (and who use methods we don't appreciate) can be used by God in his loving discipline. Afterwards two fellow pastors pointed out that it wasn't fair to compare fellow-Christians who disagree with our church to a pagan invading enemy army. I realize now that they're right and I should have more carefully qualified (or just left out) the statement.
So, to my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ who disagree with my books on dating, or who have disagreements or concerns for my church or for Sovereign Grace Ministries, I want to clearly state that I don't view you as enemies. And I'm grateful that many of you have expressed the same sentiment to me. I pray that in the days to come we will all grow in civility, in listening, in gentleness and in honoring the Lord with speech that builds up (even when we disagree.)
Today an important announcement from CJ Mahaney was posted on the Sovereign Grace Ministries website. In it CJ, the president of Sovereign Grace and the former Senior Pastor of Covenant Life Church explains that he's taking a leave of absence and why. There is also a letter from the Sovereign Grace Board (on which I serve) expressing support for CJ's leave and explaining more about its purpose.
Please pray for the people involved and for our network of local churches. This is a difficult time for us, but we see God using these events to refine us and prune us (John 15). We want to embrace all God has for us in this time and pray it will lead to greater fruitfulness. Psalm 37:3 & 5 have been a precious promise for me recently: "Trust in the Lord, and do good; dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness...Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act."
Update: In June I announced that my publisher was releasing a new version of Boy Meets Girl. But since then I asked my publisher to postpone this re-release because I wanted to make sure I had the time to process the critique and concerns many people have shared with me about Boy Meets Girl and I Kissed Dating Goodbye (i.e., that they encourage a legalistic approach to relationships). I want to make sure I've carefully considered that critique and evaluated the book in light of new lessons God is teaching me and my local church (for more on that please see this webpage). If there are significant edits or changes that need to be made I want to make sure and clearly explain those to readers.
But right now our church is facing a very unique season and I just don't have the time to give the attention and focus to any writing project. My publisher was very gracious and agreed to indefinitely postpone any new edition.
For more on what I've been learning since I wrote both these books, see this post that features several messages I've given in the past few years.
"The glory of the gospel is that God has declared Christians to be rightly related to him in spite of their sin. But our greatest temptation and mistake is to try to smuggle character into his work of grace. How easily we fall into the trap of assuming that we remain justified only so long as there are grounds in our character for our justification. But Paul's teaching is that nothing we do ever contributes to our justification. So powerful was his emphasis on this that men accused him of teaching that it did not matter how they lived if God justified them. If God justifies us as we are, what is the point of holiness? There is still a sense in which this is a test of whether we off the world the grace of God in the gospel. Does it make men say: 'You are offering grace that is so free it doesn't make any difference how you live'? This was precisely the objection the Pharisees had to Jesus' teaching!" - Sinclair B. Ferguson, The Christian Life: A Doctrinal Introduction
"In this ruin of mankind no one now experiences God either as Father or as Author of salvation, or favorable in any way, until Christ the Mediator comes forward to reconcile him to us. Nevertheless, it is one thing to feel that God as our Maker supports us by his power, governs us by his providence, nourishes us by his goodness, and attends us with all sorts of blessings--and another thing to embrace the grace of reconciliation offered to us in Christ." - John Calvin, Institutes of the Christian Religion
Our pastoral team is jazzed (I'm not sure I've used that word since the late 90's) about a new book by pastor David Helm called One-to-One Bible Reading. The premise is simple: the best way to evangelize unbelievers, disciple new Christians and train strong Christians for greater leadership is by reading the Bible together one-on-one. Helm not only makes a case for this, he then outlines exactly what this looks like to help you get started. As a church, we want to grow in using scripture in all aspects of discipleship and ministry. We want to see every member of our church doing word ministry--in their homes, with unsaved friends and with fellow believers. And this book is a valuable tool for this endeavor. Learn more.
"It takes us long to learn that prayer is more important than organization, more powerful than armies, more influential than wealth and mightier than all learning." - Samuel Chadwick, The Path of Prayer
"For the Lamb in the midst of the throne will be their shepherd, and he will guide them to springs of living water, and God will wipe away every tear from their eyes." - Revelation 7:17
"Prayer is not overcoming God's reluctance, but laying hold of His willingness."- Martin Luther
"As we advance through the centuries, light and life begin to decrease in the Church. Why? Because the torch of the Scripture begins to grow dim and because the deceitful light of human authorities begins to replace it." - Merle d'Aubigne (1794-1872), Reformation historian
I’m a follower of Jesus Christ. I live in Gaithersburg, Maryland, with an amazing wife and three wacky, fun kids. I'm a pastor at Covenant Life Church. I’m also a writer.
