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The Kind of Letter That Keeps You Writing
Tom,
As we have been emphasizing a "deeper, more passionate commitment to the church" at Grace the last month, Josh Harris' book could not have been more timely! Thank you for passing it along to us.
Here is why I believe it is one of the top 10 books that Christians should read and have on their shelves:
• There are very few books written on the church that are accessible to the whole church
• Josh does an excellent job of staying gospel and Christ centered as he builds his case for a passionate commitment to the local church
• Josh writes in an engaging way that will draw the "postmodern" or generation X and Y into a sound doctrinal conversation about the nature and function of the local church today.
• It provides a wonderful opportunity for small groups to walk through this book in a short time, and center their discussion around how their Christian walks would be strengthened through a more passionate commitment to the local church.
• It is readable enough (and Josh has enough of a "name recognition" ) that I plan to use it with our high school students.
• This book will help us to engage them when they have yet to probably "choose" a church for themselves, and cause them to think rightly about what the definition and function of the church is.
• There has not been enough written about the church being the bride of Christ. That chapter alone is worth the price of the book and caused me to exalt Christ more as a result!
Thank you again for publishing such books. They are a great help to pastors wishing to teach their congregation that there is a more abundant, joyful life available for them and that includes the church!
By His Grace,
Jeff B.
Featured Sermons
- The Authority of Scripture
Mark Dever on the Word of God at New Attitude 2008
Nanoblog
Joel Harris on Worship: My brother Joel, who leads worship for the Rebelution conference, has written an article entitled "We Must Be Constant Worshipers."
Atheism Remix: The contemporary strain of atheism--the New Atheism--is more popular and widely accepted than previous strains. Dr. Al Mohler's newest book provides a Christian response to New Atheism's four leading thinkers: Richard Dawkins, Daniel Dennett, Sam Harris and Christopher Hitchens. You can learn more at a promotional site for the book.
Mahaney on Humor: Humor is a gift from God. When humbly and wisely used, it is a means of transferring truth and generating joy. This message by C.J. Mahaney addresses how we can use humor to build others up and honor God. It's worth a listen.
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Church?
"I am reading Joshua Harris book Stop Dating the Church...love it. He talks about the people who believe they can be Christians and never go to church. I have heard this argument many times. They don't believe you have to fellowship..." (Read full post here.)
Jargon Meets Advice
"Boy Meets GirlA Brief Review
"I think this book [Sex is Not the Problem (Lust Is)
Comments (8)
DATE: 12:40 PM
Hello!
My name is Megan Wilson, I am a student at a Bible College in Pennsylvania, and I am currently reading Boy Meets Girl for the first time. It is an incredible book, but I have a question for you.
What would you say about close male and female relationships that don't intend on ending in courtship or marriage? My best friend is a boy, an amazing man of God who also goes to the school I do. We are very close, and we are very honest with one another, but we have a relationship full of integrity. Both of us have high physical standards, and lines drawn as to how emotionally connected we can become (though it is much more of a struggle than the physcial part of our relationship) We don't share on everything, but most things... we vent to one another. We aren't physically attracted to each other, but have recognized the value of our friendship because we have helped each other see what we want in a future mate. I just was wondering... in your book, this would be the point that we would consider entering into courtship. What if the answer to that is no? What if you don't want to court, but still value your friendship? Do you think that's okay? Or do you think that relationships between male and females aren't beneficial?
It's something that I have been praying about, because we both recognize that it will be hard for our future husband or wife (respectively) to understand the close relationship we have... But I was just wondering your thoughts?
I think that the way God has used you in bring forth a message about Christian relationships is awesome, I will be praying for your ministry.
-Megan Wilson
Posted by Megs | February 23, 2007 4:57 PM
DATE: 1:11 PM
Here's a letter I doubt that Josh Harris or his publisher is going to receive:
Dear Mr. Harris:
I'd love to give you a piece of my mind.
You want me to give my commitment to a church, but I have yet to find a church who is willing to give a commitment to *me*, for who *I* am. Instead, what I face is the following:
Too many churches are so faaaaaaamily oriented to the point where those of us who have never married, don't have kids and who are living our lives alone are considered to be weird. We're the fifth wheel of churches, because we can't be easily slotted into the church life cycle.
Not only that, for those of us single people who happen to be women, we're looked at oddly because deep down inside there's this idea still out there that the major role of women is to get married and raise a family. Sorry, that's not what I did with my life, and a lot of my sisters have done the same thing. But what the churches want to do is throw us together in some sort of "meet market" and get us married off, or ignore us totally while keeping us from those desirable (oh puh-leeze!) married people.
I am 44 years old, I have two university degrees, and I am treated as a responsible adult by my employer. What I want to ask you, Mr. Harris, is why I should make a commitment to an organization that alternately pretends I don't exist, treats me as a pariah for not following the accepted role, and sees me as a threat to the marriages in the church?
Who in their right mind would subject themselves to that? Certainly not me!
-- Mirele
mirele@sonic.net
Posted by Anonymous | February 23, 2007 4:57 PM
DATE: 2:05 PM
Mirele,
I'm sorry this has been your experience in the churches that you've attended. I won't pretend that my own church has handled this issue perfectly. The unique challenges of older singles, particularly single women, are delicate and yet are an opportunity for the body to truly function as a body. From the sound of your letter it would seem that real bitterness has taken root in your soul, I would only plead with you to turn from this bitterness. Forgive what wrong has been done against you and seek to be someone who helps the church improve at caring for other singles like you.
None of the things the church has done wrong, including those on your list, excuse any of us from obeying God's commands to be involved in and serving the local church. I hope you'll consider this.
Joshua
Posted by Joshua | February 23, 2007 4:57 PM
DATE: 6:01 PM
Dear Mr. Harris -- Why do I get the feeling that you more or less blew me off? Let me state how I feel at your remarks.
You have an assumption that I am bitter about my past church experiences. You might want to try on the word "realistic" for size. I'm quite realistic about my chances of surviving in a congregational situation where I'm treated like a pariah because I don't slot properly into the church lifecycle.
Your life situation is well known. After all, you've written about it in popular books. Even though you "gave up dating", you do slot very well within the evangelical experience in America. I do not. You admit your church doesn't do well--and yet, you insist that the only way is to commit to a church. I understand you have to take a stern position because you're selling books based on this concept, but I'm pointing out to you that there's a whole group of people for whom church does not fit.
Walk in our shoes for a day at your church service and then come back and tell me that it works! Every time someone talks about the faaaaamily, think about someone like me, who doesn't have a traditional family as preached about over the church pulpit, and then understand that after months and years of such slings and arrows, people like me decide it's time to just quit.
I also find annoying your statement that the situation for older single adults is "unique" and "delicate." There are lots of us out there, we're just not in your churches and so it's hardly a unique or delicate situation, unless trying to get other church members to treat older singles as adults is a delicate situation.
And you totally ignored my statement specifically about older adult single women in church. Hate to tell you this, Mr. Harris, but the church is mighty sexist. Dig deep, and you'll see that the emphasis for women is on marriage and child-rearing. Those of us women who took what used to be the road less traveled are looked down upon. The women's groups in churches are geared towards the married with children, not towards a genuinely female experience of God. It's truly embarrassing to consider that I am treated with more dignity and respect by my employer, a large financial services company, than I am at church. The employer values my skills, while the church looks at me as somehow deficient because I am not the "lady" I'm expected to be.
I am going to be blunt here and state that I'd rather not go to church if I'm going to be dishonored in my life position as an unmarried adult woman with no children. I've had that experience more than I care to admit. You want people like me to make a commitment to a church that not only does not even begin to acknowledge us as full adults, but goes out of its way Sunday after Sunday to make sure that we continue to be shadows. Sorry, I voted with my feet.
Now think hard about what I said, and don't blow me off.--Mirele
mirele@sonic.net
Posted by Anonymous | February 23, 2007 4:57 PM
DATE: 6:20 PM
To Mirele:
this comment has nothing to do with Josh Harris (sorry to Josh!), but I read your comments and had to post what little bit of encouragement I could give.
I do not know what churches you have been to, but I have been going to a church for more than 12 years that is more or less the exactly opposite of the ones you're describing. I am a single female as well, and this is a small church with barely any "families" in it, most of us are singles - young and old. I would encourage you to Please keep looking. Please keep looking for a good church - because I know first hand that there are churches out there that do not bias against families or for families - but accept both singles and families and use Everyone in the calling they have on their life. I am no professional book writer or advice giver, just a single woman like you. Keep searching and you will find.
Posted by Anonymous | February 23, 2007 4:57 PM
DATE: 11:20 PM
I'm going to bow out of this strand after this...but Mirele, please know it wasn't my intention to blow you off. I don't know all that you've experienced and I can't defend the church's you've attended since I don't know anything about them. I really appreciated the single lady who posted about her experience being different. That's wonderful! I hope this will encourage you not to totally give up on the church.
Finally, on issues related to singleness, you're right that I haven't walked in your shoes. But let me refer you to a single woman who has. Her name is Carolyn McCulley. She's a member of my church and the author of "Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye?" which addresses some of the issues that Mirele raises. Mirele, I'm sure you would have disagreements with much of what Carolyn writes, but I hope you'll check it out!
Thanks for posting!
Posted by Joshua | February 23, 2007 4:57 PM
DATE: 5:11 PM
You know, the position of adults who have not fit within the evangelical Christian lifecycle is a serious problem in the church. I thought, well, maybe I could draw the attention of someone who is writing about how important church attendance is, and how in fact church attendance is a commandment and point this out. I guess not.
Josh, it's not just being single that can be a problem for people. I've got friends who slot into the evangelical Christian lifecycle who have walked away from church because they got tired of being used and abused by their church. I know lots of people who have just waved church goodbye because they got tired of being proselytised for the Republican Jesus (as opposed to Jesus Christ) Sunday after Sunday. And yet you write this book, and you're unwilling to hear what the ex-attenders have to say, instead telling us not to give up on church?
I have to laugh at myself for thinking that I might get through to you, because you have books to sell and a position to keep up through dogmatism. There's no movement in you, sir, and certainly little in the way of compassion or respect. You, Joshua Harris, have confirmed that my decision to walk away from the church was the appropriate one to take. -- Mirele mirele@sonic.net
Posted by Anonymous | February 23, 2007 4:57 PM
DATE: 5:43 PM
This summer I became a member of my church, because I realized that for me to keep growing as a Christian, I needed to stop holding the church at an arm's length. I too have felt with frustration the pressure to fit into a specific political and social "role" as a Christian. Even though there are challenges, my church has supported and loved me, and accepts the decisions I make for my life.
A church is like any other group of people- there will always be pressure to conform, etc. The woman who posted her frustrations seems in many ways like a role model for young single women like myself- she is independent, educated and accomplished. I pray that she will find a community of faith that accepts and encourages her. I know these places exist, because I have found one!
Posted by Megan Methodist | February 23, 2007 4:57 PM