How to Talk to Girls: Advice from a 9-year-old

I hope you meant the "response for all the guys who have blamed me and my book for making it hard for them to get dates: 'Life is hard, move on.'" in jest.

Your book has certainly done that both in a good way and bad way. Sometime young people that shouldn't be dating didn't. Then as people were older and mature they didn't date when the should have been. As some say, they learned to avoid relating vs. learning how to relate. Maybe that is why you might need to give this book to some guys in their late 20's as you said.

It was amusing seeing this kid. He had some good points especially for someone his age.

Josh

Thanks for clarifying this.

I certainly wouldn't say that your book has "caused all of the men" to lack courage to pursue a single woman. I would say that your book and the "kissing dating goodbye concept" (that was introduced in places even before you were born) has been a significant contributor to this problem. One woman who was in her 20's when your book came out and had its prominence that is gave the single men in their 20's an excuse for not relating with single women.

I remember visiting various churches. You could usually tell if they had the "kissed dating goodbye" philosophy at that church; the single men and women were so shy towards each other one could almost say they were "afraid" of each other. My recollection is that the singles in their 20's were interacting more like those in their teens vs. more mature singles.

Unfortunately those that promote "kissing dating goodbye" don't appear willing to admit the problems this concept has caused over the years or its defects.

P.S.

I am curious as why you seemed to think I was referring to "all the men in the world who don't have the courage or skill" when you said initially about "for a few guys I know in their late-twenties?"

I figured that these "guys" were probably in your church and had grown up with the IKDG philosophy.

Lilly
I would be careful assuming that your personal issues (you indicated "was result of my own fears and insecurities") are what cause all people to act the way you did. I won't question what you feel what caused your actions but don't think you should assume what caused your it what causes others to act that way also.

I don't want to oversimplify this and will admit there can be various cause for people being relationship shy of the opposite sex. But, when I see a significant difference in how singles relate in "kissing dating goodbye" groups vs. other groups I am not sure what other conclusion I might reach. My thought is that the "kissing dating goodbye" philosophy despite it being well intentioned has lead to the situation of single men and women almost being afraid of each other.

What else would be the major cause of the "lack of freeness between men and women in cultivating friendships", "standoffish" and "tightness" that Josh Harris described existed at his own church that was shared on his "update" messages? Maybe it could be something else? I am sure that "kissing dating goodbye" isn't the only cause.

It also may be possible that the "kissing dating goodbye" environment might have helped to feed your "fears" or allowed them to hide vs. forced you to address them? Only you really know the answer to this.

I agree that there needs to be as you say "healthy balance." To use Josh Harris's own shopping cart illustration, sometimes I wonder if "kissing dating goodbye" just makes the drifting shopping cart veer to the other side. Are we fixing the swerving shopping cart or just changing the direction it swerves? Unfortunately, at least some of the time, it can be imbalance in the opposite direction. One needs to be aware of this tendency and try to correct it either way it goes.